The Ambidextrous Chicken-Monkey's Spaghetti Feed

philadelphia ahoy

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 19:35:34 GMT

i am so lonely for comics friends here in new york! so in a counter-intuitive move i'm going to go try and make comics friends in philadelphia (at the above mentioned event. they don't mention me, but that's because they didn't have to -- i'm the flying lion with the three eyes and the snake tongue).

if you are in philadelphia this weekend -- i know a couple of you live nearby -- stop by and say hello!

HEY CAT LOVERS

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:43:17 GMT

and dog lovers, people lovers, begonia lovers,

my friend Gabby beeblism is an awesome cartoonist. In fact, Diamond Adult Previews just said that his new book, Monsters, "cements his standing as one of the best cartoonists of his generation."

His book won't be out for a month, though, and until the filthy lucre and fame and fortune hit, he's trying to scrape up some cash by drawing pictures of cats. YOUR cat, to be specific.

IMAGINE YOUR CAT HERE:

kitty, so evil, squinting

meow

Forty bucks for a short-haired cat and fifty bucks for a long-haired cat. Pictures of dogs, ferrets, gerbils, houseplants, and your girlfriend are also possible: send all inquiries to lj beeblism. YOUR CAT COULD BE ONE OF THE BEST CARTOONS OF THIS GENERATION!

whether you want one or not you've got to admit the dude has a special feeling for cat-mojo

your friend,
sputnik

i am hungry.

Mon, 18 May 2009 04:53:56 GMT

do you ever prepare a big mess of food, and then eat it over several days? i am trying to think of good recipes for the lazy-except-once-a-week cook -- stuff you can pull out of the fridge and be eating ten minutes later.

here's what i've got so far:
tamales (cheese and green chili)
lasagna
beans and rice (which i've been eating for two weeks. next week, coconut rice a la lj_ayebee)
rice salad
minestrone (i like to make it with pecorino rind and fresh fava beans)
deviled eggs
summer rolls (i don't know if it's kosher to keep them several days in the fridge, but why not?)

do you have any suggestions or recipes?

also, just out of curiosity -- how do you eat? -- do you cook every day? eat out? survive on bagel sandwiches? does anyone pack a lunch? if so, what do you carry it in?

EDIT: i am also interested in looking at food blogs! do you read food blogs? man, i am the most food-obsessed girl in brooklyn tonight.

the worst horse

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 10:06:28 GMT

the first two parts of this story are here.

big nose national park, part two

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 01:41:27 GMT

part one of this story can be found here

to be continued.

in partnership with the sign of the yellow sphinx i bring you

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 21:04:29 GMT

written by van choojitarom

what should i do with this story?

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:29:26 GMT

the tiber river looks like it might jump its banks.

i am sad to think of what'll happen to rome if it does.

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 09:50:17 GMT

"It is not who I am underneath, but what I do, that defines me." -- Batman.

so much for cartoonists' claims about being higher forms of life

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 10:11:15 GMT

at the barbershop today, the "beauty operator" told me about a film she saw on youtube featuring an elephant painting a picture. "it painted a picture OF AN ELEPHANT," she said. "an elephant holding a flower." i came right home and HERE IT IS!

doesn't this movie bring up uncomfortable questions? like: does the elephant KNOW that it's painting an elephant, as opposed to a bunch of random marks? does that mean that elephants are symbolic thinkers and capable of imagining things in 2D? does that mean that we could try to communicate with them via pictograph? does the elephant understand that painting "elephant w/flower in trunk" is CUTE? fuck!

in times of trouble, don't forget your friends

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:37:52 GMT

capitalism/horsies

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 11:00:57 GMT

Two things:

1. I set up an etsy shop! So if you want to buy comics, you can do it there.

(If you already asked for a comic and gave me your address, your comics were free! and are currently on their way.)

2. Drunk Pony Fished From Swimming Pool

one of the coolest presents i ever got

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:31:52 GMT

was this comic gabby drew back in ~~2005~~ 2006, after coming to portland for the weekend and staying all summer. i keep it in my jewelery box, next to my grandma's old turquoise ring, videotapes of weddings, and teeth my dad pulled out of his head with pliers.

FORTY-FOUR PRESIDENTS (and no letter to a cat)

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:28:03 GMT

UPDATE: if you want a paper version of this comic, you can get one by emailing me your address (send it to dogwitharussianhat at gmail), then sending $2.50 to katsam (((at))) oddpost /dot/ com. Or, if you prefer, you can buy one at etsy.

UPDATE 2: now this comic will also be part of the experimental tabloid Diamond Comics available through Floating World Comics after November 3rd!

UPDATE 3: Coming out as a hardback book September 25, 2009 from Garrett County Press.

more comics from this summer

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:19:33 GMT

party in the basement

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:16:07 GMT

END PART ONE

WEBCOMICOPTICON

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 05:51:33 GMT

i want to post comics to the internet. all in one place, large-sized, in a place where it'd be easy to read them. (a place which isn't livejournal.com -- i wanna diversify!)

so far i've been frustrated by google webpages (cuts off the edges), flickr (un-comics-friendly presentation), and wordpress.com (only allows me one comix page per post).

can you help? i feel like grandma, trying to find thegoogle.com

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 01:50:40 GMT

"He writes the worst English that I have ever encountered. It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. It drags itself out of the dark abysm of pish, and crawls insanely up the topmost pinnacle of posh. It is rumble and bumble. It is flap and doodle. It is balder and dash." (H.L. Mencken on Warren Harding)

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 21:40:06 GMT

A SHOUTOUT:

some of our livejournal brethren* have created a website for disgruntled Clinton voters (beyondhillary.com) laying out the case for Barack Obama.

It has a nice compare-and-contrast chart illustrating policy crossovers and disagreements between Clinton, Obama, and McCain, and addresses several questions a would-be Clinton supporter might have about the upcoming election.

This could be the perfect electoral-season gift for the Hillary Clinton lover in your life! Pass that link along, kids.

* lj rival and lj suddenleap

you be my focus group.

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 21:37:01 GMT

If I made a zine/postseries about exit polls next week, would people would want to read it, or is that topic too depressing to grab folks' attention?

A couple of years ago I wrote a long paper about exit polling. See, in Serbia 2000 and Ukraine 2004, discrepancies between exit polls and official polls led people to say EXIT POLLS ARE A HARD SCIENCE, THIS IS THE EVIDENCE THAT THE GOVT IS FULL OF LYING CROOKS, UKRAINIANS AND SERBIANS SHOULD POOL IN THE STREETS AND OVERTHROW THEIR OVERLORDS! And they did.

Meanwhile, when there were exit poll discrepancies in Venezuela 2004 and the United States 2004, many of the same "scientists"/"pundits" said AH WELL EXIT POLLS ARE REALLY JUST A SORT OF IMPRESSIONISTIC ARTISTIC THING DESIGNED TO HELP THE MEDIA DO PROJECTIONS, FORGET ABOUT IT, TAKE OFF YOUR TINFOIL HATS WEIRDOES, and everyone said "oh," and made a ham sandwich and went to watch "Law and Order."

I took apart that clock and peered at its cogs and coils, and now am ready to regurgitate the information I consumed.

yes/no?

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:53:15 GMT

Could the young but realise how soon they will become a mere bundle of habits, they would give more heed to their conduct while in a plastic state. (William James)

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 09:05:58 GMT

Why do people believe what they believe?*

ALSO: where + how did you learn/discover/accept the stuff you believe? What's the "intake process" through which one of your ideas graduates from hypothesis to belief?

*About politics, science, the Ultimate Nature of It All, human behavior, et cetera.

picking your brain

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 03:06:36 GMT

I made a wee zine out of my Georgia/Ossetia entries. Now I want people to read it. I am sending sample copies to "Learning to Leave a Paper Trail" and "Microcosm." Do any of y'all know other zine stores or zine distros who might carry it? I'm not trying to make money, I just want to spread my memes.

i am a crank

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:59:40 GMT

Below please find a crank letter. Any suggestions before I send it?

------------------------------------
Dear Women's Health Research Center,

Hi, I wanted to give some feedback about an ad you ran recently in the Portland Mercury, soliciting women to join your study of continuous oral contraceptives/doxycyline.* The ad showed a bunch of young women frolicking and taking group photos, and the text read something like "Are you tired of your period? Join the crowd. Then join our study."

By my reading, this ad contained the following "subtexts":

--menstruation is a problem
--lots of young women hate their periods
--this problem can be treated with continuous oral contraceptives.

It is appropriate that OSHU study continuous oral contraceptives, and also appropriate that the University solicit research subjects for its studies.** However, this ad went beyond those aims. It promoted the idea of menstruation-as-a-problem.

Menstruation is not a pathology. It is a normal event in the bodies of healthy adult women. Promoting the idea of menstruation-as-pathology is beneficial for pharmaceutical companies. I am not convinced that it is beneficial for public health.

Please reconsider your advertising choices.

yours sincerely,
Maria Sputnik

----------------------------------

*AKA, those birth control pills you take for months @ a time ("seasonale") so you only have four periods a year (but maybe have "pulmonary embolism" or liver failure instead).
**OHSU is publicly funded, for what it's worth.

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:42:11 GMT

PART FIVE: SOME FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
(also see: part one, part two, part three, and part four.)

"Why is Russia defending Abkhazia and South Ossetia? I thought Caucasian breakaway republics were a problem for them too."*

"Well, I'd say their motives are more anti-Georgian than pro-Ossetian."**

Grozny, the capital of Chechnya

"Why should Russia want to mess with Georgia, though?"

"I think the energy corridor stuff is the main reason...Russia doesn't want to get cut out of the Caspian oil deal, and it doesn't want Nabucco to endanger Gazprom's monopoly, either.

But I also think Russia's feelings are a little hurt that so many of its ex-satellites are joining the EU -- and joining NATO! That's definitely a provocation. NATO was invented as an anti-Russian deal, y'know?"***

lots and lots of pipelines, with more to come! they say nabucco has already 'booked' ALL the gas it will transport, and it hasn't even been built yet

though bill clinton promised yeltsin that NATO would never expand into former Soviet territory, it sure has

"So, NATO, the EU, and pipelines? That's what this war is about?"

"Well, yeah. That and bad blood. I heard this Russian foreign minister on the radio a couple months ago, and the BBC guy was like 'Why are you so obsessed with tormenting Georgia?'**** and the Russian dude was like 'WE HAVE NO CHOICE! HAVE YOU HEARD THE STUFF THEY SAY? IT'S LIKE AN ANTI-RUSSIAN HATE CRIME THAT SAAKASHVILI IS EVEN STILL ALIVE.'"

bad for putin's blood pressure

"How come they hate Saakashvili?"

"Well, partly 'cause he's gung-ho about America -- was educated in the States and is a big time free-marketeer, sent 2,000 Georgian troops to Iraq, changed the name of Tbilisi's airport road to 'George W. Bush Street,' and oversaw US military forces doing trainings on Georgian soil. The Irish times called him 'a neo-con darling'.

But the Russians don't just see him as pro-American. They perceive him as 'reckless, hot-headed...somebody who from the beginning has really cast his lot with the West...in a way that's anti-Russian'."

"Anti-Russian?"

"Yeah. Fr'instance, he makes fun of Putin. Did you know that Putin is only five foot seven and sensitive about it? Saakashvili calls Putin 'Lilliputin'."

Besides impolitic remarks about Putin's height, Saakashvili talks general smack about Russia. Maybe a lot of what he says is true, but it isn't diplomatic. The New York Times, for instance, said Saakashvili

describes today’s Russia as a belligerent power...implacably hostile to democratic neighbors like Georgia and Ukraine. He has thrown in his lot with the West.

That NYT also calls the Georgians "melodramatic" as a people. Meanwhile, in the LA Times a former Bush "administration ally" said that the Georgians

...are the most romantic people in the world. They're very gallant, in the stupid sense...very much 'the Charge of the Light Brigade' people. It has a lot to do with personal honor.

saakashvili like a towering giant

5'7, but could kill you w/his bare hands

"So the war's about oil, gas, hegemony, tactlessness, and Putin's feelings about his height?"

"Pretty much. Well, that and Russia's declared a New World Order -- I hear it's not an 100% America-polar world anymore? But let's get to THAT some other day."

"Awright."
--------------------------------

Notes
*"You hypocrite, why beholdest thou the S. Ossetia that is in thy brother's eye but considerest not the Chechnya in your own?"

...and while we're at it, this photo from a documentary about an orchestra playing in Grozny made me tear up a little. It kind of reminds me of that famous photo of the guy playing cello in the destroyed library of Sarajevo.

**"Why do South Ossetia and Abkhazia want to secede anyway? Can't the Ossetians just visit their over-the-border relatives without seceding to join them? Isn't Abkhazia too small to be an economically viable country? Do they really think they'd be less oppressed as part of the Russian Federation?"

"Well, I think Georgia got kind of nationalistic at the point when it broke away from the USSR. They wrote a constitution which wasn't big on ethnic minority rights, the regions tried to secede, and it went downhill from there. Also, Russia has been distributing its passports to Ossetians and Abkhazians. So that if, one day, Saakashvili attacked one of the regions, the Russians could move in claiming that they had to 'protect their citizens'. Sooo, even if the Ossetians and the Abkhazians aren't inherently Russia-lovers, Russia has definitely become their ardent protector, and that's worth something."

***These are, of course, also reasons why the West is interested in Georgia.

****A MINI-HISTORY OF RUSSIA'S RECENT ATTEMPTS TO BREAK GEORGIA:
Since the Rose Revolution where Saakashvili came into power, and maybe since Saakashvili asked Russia to speed up the withdrawal of their Georgian military bases, Russia has just been TORMENTING THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF GEORGIA. Remember how I said that the Georgians invented wine? Wine is also one of their biggest exports, but Russia banned Georgian wines saying that there were too many fraudulent Georgian wines in circulation THUS the real shit had to be banned "for health reasons."

Then they banned Georgia's mineral water, Borjomi. I can't remember how they justified that. Then they started deporting a bunch of Georgians living in Russia. And there have been those mysterious gas outages and price hikes.

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:16:42 GMT

DOWN WITH INTERNATIONAL OBSERVERS!

MOSCOW (Reuters) - The president of the breakaway region at the heart of the Georgia-Russia conflict said on Monday he would not accept international observers in his region again.

"International observers will no longer be present on the territory of South Ossetia," South Ossetian President Eduard Kokoity told Reuters in an interview.

"We have no confidence in these international observers, in these people who corrupt the truth."

The Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) had observers in the region until it pulled out when fighting erupted after Georgian forces tried to take back control of the rebel region.

Reuters seems to have forgotten the "why" part of this article. Could it be that Kokoity is pissed because the international community -- lookin' at YOU, Reuters -- made it sound as if Russia initiated the war?